The Sweet Hive
A couple of weeks ago a few of my girlfriends and I met for coffee after work. A mid-week catch up was just what we needed. Our corner at the local Starbucks was snug, but as our circle grew, we adjusted our chairs and made room for everyone. We sipped on lattes, laughed, vented and enjoyed each other’s company. We all had a seat at the table and we all had something to share.
When I was a little girl, I was infatuated with Selena Quintanilla Perez. I loved to sing and dance to her songs. I even had my parents buy me a microphone stand and karaoke machine. Sadly, God did not bless me with the gift of singing, but at seven years old, no one could tell me it wasn’t possible. At that age, no dream was too big. As I got older, those dreams began to die. The hustle of life happened. The marriage and motherhood milestones of life happened and I began to settle. Then one day after reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, my heart was stirred. God began to ignite a fire in me. I can’t verbalize or put into words how I knew. I just did. Deep in the crevice of my heart, the seed that had been unwatered and forgotten began to grow.
For a person who is so fearful, opening up and sharing my inner most desires (when I already think they are far fetched) can be an end all to even the smallest chance of going after my dream if told to the wrong person. There is a difference from advice and discouragement. Have you ever been so excited to share goals or dreams with a friend, or perhaps even a stranger and found yourself walking away feeling discouraged?
I keep falling down, hitting the ground with a little more of a thud each time. It isn’t easy trying two, three, five times as you move towards your passion. Failure can defeating. Critics can be heard with a megaphone and negative thoughts shine brighter than the sun. The more I listen to my calling, the louder the fear is. As much as I try to drown it out, it’s almost impossible to not begin to believe the critics. Sadly, the biggest critic is myself. The more that I focus on the fear, the less I focus on my passion. Instead of telling myself I can, the I can’ts are like a broken record, repeating over and over in my head. And then suddenly the blog posts stop, the ideas are dwindled and the exhaustion of all the fears and failures win. I’ve failed again.